Jounin Uchiha
by Tripptych
Summary: Sasuke's day keeps getting better and better. Crack, Brotherly Itachi x Sasuke.


**Jounin Uchiha**

By Tripptych / a m b a , y e a h ?

Disclaimer: I don't own _shit._

_Un Beta'ed._

_**. . .**_

Sasuke had been more than ready to go home the first hour into his mission, a useless and pointless recon mission just south of the village where a supposed unknown threat was planning to infiltrate, according to a 'reliable source'. Sasuke had his team, a frivolous motley crew of three teenagers he hadn't even known the names of that the Hokage had so graciously thrown together on 'short notice', bah the Uchiha suspected the old woman still held a grudge against him leaving the village and proclaiming vengeance against her precious pile of leaves and dirt. That was months ago, nothing had come off of save for his thoroughly kicked ass and pride thanks to the ramen slurping 'believing it' moron. The cow had to let it go sometime, it was after all the past; Hakuna Matata and all.

As if the company hadn't been bad enough with three days of continuous Kumbaya singing and sitting on constant edge for the unknown threat with a group of useless kids, Sasuke had near committed heinous acts of debauchery when the entire mission had been nothing more than a mistake.

The supposed reliable source had been nothing more than the ramblings of a one foot in the grave man who had forgotten his pills that morning.

In short the Uchiha had been immensely keen to walk through the huge front gates, ditch his supposed team and go home, curl up on his couch with Adelle's greatest hits playing on the television while he sipped hot tea.

The mere thought of it had Sasuke power walking in the direction of his home.

"Jounin Uchiha!" A shrill call disturbed his thoughts, withering the picture in his head as he recognised the yell to be Kotetsu, one of the Hokage's 'carrier pigeons'. Sasuke's feet picked up speed in hopes of escaping the pursing man.

"Sasukeeeehh!" Sasuke wanted to through himself under the nearest cart at that voice. A blur of black and obnoxious orange flew in front on his vision, stop dead centre in front of him.

A tick had developed in the Uchiha's eyebrow as he glared fiercely at the 6ft grinning blonde, Kotetsu's voice reaching his ears once more.

"Eh Sasuke, Kotetsu is calling for you!" Naruto supplied bluntly, rubbing the back of his neck stupidly. Sasuke gritted his teeth, yes he was well aware of the pursuing man in which he was trying, key word trying, to evade.

"Yes Naruto, I kno-"

"Jounin Uchiha!" Kotetsu clamped a hand down on his shoulder tightly, leaning over to catch his breath as if he had run a marathon.

Sasuke wanted to cry or scream, he just wanted to go home to his Adelle and punnet of fresh tomato's Itachi had no doubt brought whilst doing the weekly shopping.

"I've been yelling for you!" Kotetsu's breath was slightly wheezy as he straightened up, sucking in deep breathes.

"I heard, no if you will excuse me." Sasuke made to move away but the hand on his shoulder tightened and Naruto's frame blocked the path before he could even take a step.

"Don't be so rude you bastard, he chased after you the least you could do is listen!" Naruto lectured him loudly, heads surrounding them turned at the noise and Sasuke wanted nothing more than to smack the idiot before him.

"This is important, it's about your brother." Sasuke attention snapped too, anything revolving around his formerly s-ranked killer criminal come best big brother eva was important in Sasuke's book.

"What about him?" Kotetsu looked a little nervous as he too rubbed the back of his neck nervously, the youngest Uchiha's eyes narrowed.

Itachi had been salvaged as Tsunade had put it, healed and had his lecture of returning to the good side months before Sasuke. Having completely reformed from his criminally insane lifestyle, Itachi had claimed to have repented and seen the 'light' as he put it, becoming a fully qualified citizen of Konoha and given up his ninja duties to become the little Uchiha housewife at Sasuke's house. It was scary some days how anal his brother could be about the household duties, Sasuke hadn't dared drop his uniform anywhere but in the laundry basket these days for fear of evoking them crazy tendencies his brother still had.

"Well he ah- to say that, well haha1" Kotetsu was starting to sweat under the intense glare Sasuke was giving him.

"Come Kotetsu, it can't be that bad!" Naruto encouraged the slightly shaking man, curiosity and impatience warring in his voice.

"Well, ahem" Kotetsu cleared his throat before continuing. "Well you see we've apprehended your brother into custody-"

"You what?"Sasuke blazed, eyes spinning dangerously with the bloodline limit his clan had gifted him with. Kotetsu was nearly quaking and tripping over himself to get the explanation out before the Uchiha made a BBQ out of him.

"Well he ah, he blew up your house." Silence rained between the three men for several moments, Kotetsu nearly afraid to breathe for fear of Sasuke reaction.

"So you arrested, Itachi-"Naruto spoke first with a dumbfounded look. "-for blowing up the bastard's house…" Kotetsu nodded at the number on unpredictable ninja. "Where he also lives…" Another several moments passed before Naruto cracked, laughing deep and hard.

"You arrested Itachi! OMGAWD!" Tears leaked profusely from Naruto's eyes as he hit the dirt ground, rolling around the sidewalk clutching his stomach like it was the funniest thing.

"Why, pray tell did he blow up our home?" Sasuke's voice was strained and his eye had developed a rather vicious tick to it, Kotetsu swallowed loudly. Sasuke looked nearly insane.

"Well he-he didn't say, only that he requested you to come pick him up." Sasuke was going to have aneurism with the strain his was putting on himself.

"Take me too him." Sasuke snarled angrily, fingers twitching to form the necessary signs to perform some sort of a ninjutsu to release some steam, by this time Naruto had sobered up with a few giggles still slipping.

"Ah right away Jounin Uchiha!" Kotetsu nodded quickly, his head bouncing sharply on his shoulders. Good god, he was putting in for transfer after this.

**-oOo-**

Numerous heads turned and whispered as the three, Naruto having followed along for lack of anything better to do, walked down the hallways towards the holding cells that apparently withheld his brother.

Sasuke anger was practically glowing as it rolled of him, sending a strong aura of death from his body. Unperturbed Naruto babbled on continually in his ear about why his brother, sweet, lovely, formerly s-ranked criminal Itachi could have possibly of blown up his childhood home.

Many doors were opened and unlocked as Kotetsu lead the youngest Uchiha down to the holding cells where a prime and proper, slightly singed, Itachi Uchiha sat dead centre on the metal bench with his eyes closed. The few other criminals sharing the cell lock up had formed a line up against the opposite walls.

"Baby brother I was wondering when you were coming." Itachi's eye's opened slowly, looking directly at his fuming baby brother, completely unaffected by the angry twitch.

"What the fuck Itachi, you blew up our home?" Sasuke's teeth grinded together forcefully enough to crack.

"Yes." Sasuke looked incredulously at the elder, he had said it so unperturbed as if, as if he hadn't just literally blown up their home where all of their possessions were! Where Sasuke's Adelle CD's were!

"Why the fuck would you do something like that! Where the fuck are we supposed to live-" Naruto had decided that this was the perfect time to cut in.

"Well bastard, you and Tachi' could move in with me!" Sasuke felt as if maybe he had developed a brain bleed, he had to have by this point. Sasuke's glare turned downright incinerating as he looked at Itachi.

"Hear that Itachi? We can move in with Naruto." Itachi raised a single immaculate eyebrow at his brothers face, it looked purple maybe even maroon with anger.

"It had to be done Sasuke; there was simply no other choice." He explained as if it was the most obvious thing on the planet.

"And why was something so incredibly huge that the only way to eradicate the problem was to blow up our house!"

Itachi looked thoughtful for a second before he answered.

"There was a bug."

Sasuke would like to say that he had, to a degree understood his brothers reasoning because well, Itachi was terrified of bugs and that Itachi's form of extermination was understandable given he was home alone and had acted in what he deemed, was the appropriate way. Sasuke would have also liked to have said that he hadn't prominently fainted to the sounds of Naruto's peeling laughter before waking up in the hospital hours later with a still cackling Naruto and dead serious Itachi.

Sasuke had then decided that maybe going on a mission with useless team of halfwit idiots, singing Kumbaya day in and day out wasn't so terrible and that the wondrously amazing Lady Tsunade should have no qualms about signing him up for the next few months till the house was rebuilt and he could move out of Naruto's.

He couldn't wait for his next mission.

**. . . **

**Ah ahaha well, I really don't know. I'm immeasurably tired and severely bored and it's like 3 am so yeah. This is a far cry from my other stories, I'm terrible at anything crack of funny related so I don't often try it out but I did tonight.**

**Review and tell if I'm as crappy as I think?**

**Cheers guys!**


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